How to Become the Best Version of Yourself at Midlife — A Man’s Guide
We all reach a point where the question hits: Am I the person that I am meant to be? For men at midlife, this isn’t a trendy socail media hastag prompt, it’s a reckoning. And yet, it can also be a powerful reawakening.
We’re not talking about perfecting your morning routine or squeezing more productivity out of your day. This is about something deeper — redefining what your “best” actually means. Because at this point in life, the version of ourselves we once chased might no longer be the version that truly matters.
Why Do Men Ask This Question?
Let’s name it: “How do I become the best version of myself?” is often loaded with comparison, and a fear of falling behind. For many men, this question bubbles up when the old scripts — succeed, provide, perform — begin to feel hollow. Maybe you’ve achieved some of what you thought you wanted. Maybe you’ve failed. Maybe you pictured a different life for yourself.
Whatever the path, midlife offers a pause — and with it, the invitation to ask not just how to become better, but why. The bigger question might be why are you asking the question in the first place?
- Are you trying to improve your life or perfect it?
- Are you driven by self-worth or your inner critic?
- Are you seeking growth or trying to earn back something you feel you lost?
These are the real questions behind the question. And they’re worth pondering.
The First Half of Life: Best as External Success
In your 20s and 30s, becoming your best self probably looked a lot like achieving:
- Building a career
- Attracting a partner
- Earning status, money, or admiration
It can be what I call the magazine cover version of success. That’s not wrong. In fact, many of us needed those milestones to prove something — to ourselves or to others. But over time, you may have noticed:
- Success didn’t silence the inner doubt.
- Confidence remained fragile.
- External wins didn’t deliver internal peace.
This isn’t failure. It’s the beginning of a deeper integration. It’s time to find different goalposts for a different version of you.
Midlife: When “Best” Starts to Mean Something Different
At midlife, the rules start to shift. You might find yourself less driven by competition or comparison and more compelled by questions like:
- What impact do I want to have?
- Who am I when no one’s watching?
- If the future feels less infinite what’s actually important to me?
- How do I want to be remembered?
- What do I actually enjoy — and what have I just been tolerating?
Becoming the best version of yourself now often means:
- Learning to live with fewer masks
- Cultivating presence over performance
- Repairing what’s broken — inside and out
- Investing in relationships that nourish you, not just networks that advance you
It’s less about proving. More about aligning. There is a much more satisfying best version waiting for you, if you are willing to create space for it to emerge.
Best Doesn’t Mean Perfect — It Means Integrated
You’re not trying to become some mythical, flawless man.
You’re trying to:
- Be clear about what matters
- Be honest about what’s working and what’s not
- Own your story — without shame or spin
- Cultivate habits, relationships, and thoughts that support who you’re becoming
That’s integrity — and it’s the foundation of becoming your best self. Your best self may not need to look a whole lot different than your today self. What shifts is your perspectives, your expectations and your connection to your values.
5 Questions for Men Seeking to Grow at Midlife
- What do I actually want — not just what I’ve been taught to want?
- What parts of myself have I neglected or hidden?
- What relationships am I not fully showing up in?
- What coping patterns have outlived their usefulness?
- What would it mean to pursue meaning — not just mastery?
You won’t answer all of these overnight. But sit with them. Journal about them. Talk to someone who can hold space for the real answers — not just the polished ones.
The Best Version of You May Not Be a “New You”
One of the most damaging ideas is that becoming your best self means a total reinvention.
Sometimes, it means stripping away what never fit.
It could mean returning to something you once loved.
And sometimes, it means seeing yourself — fully and clearly — for the first time.
A you that doesn’t need to be perfect and one defined on your own terms. It’s choosing your own values and choices and worry far less about what others might think or say.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re navigating these questions, you’re not alone. Coaching offers a judgment-free space where you can:
- Clarify what matters now
- Break old cycles
- Make bold (but grounded) changes
Explore working with Brendan or join one of our private men’s groups designed for midlife reinvention.
Related Reads:
- Why Men’s Groups Matter More Than Ever at Midlife
- How to Know If You’re Living Someone Else’s Life
- Permission to Change: Dismantling the Life You Built (and No Longer Want)
About the Author
Brendan Abbott is a certified life coach, Master NLP practitioner, and trained hypnotherapist with over 20 years of healthcare leadership experience—including 10 years in senior executive roles. He specializes in helping men reconnect with confidence, presence, and emotional truth—especially around intimacy, identity, and purpose.
Through coaching, content, and compassionate conversation, Brendan creates discreet spaces where high-achieving men can explore the deeper layers of their inner life without shame or judgment.