Midlife Restlessness: How Healthy Rebellion Could Change Your Life

Midlife Restlessness: How Healthy Rebellion Could Change Your Life

It can almost seem cartoonish, the man going through a midlife crisis buying the sports car and running off with someone half his age. While few men actually go in this direction, I think the overall sentiment of wanting to break out of the familiar has a lot of truth to it.

Midlife is a significant time of change and upheaval. While we have worked hard and value the stability we have achieved it can also feel stifling at times. Marking important changes in our identity, our priorities and acknowledging that we are truly moving from one stage of life to another has spawned a new term: ‘middlescence’

Coined by gerontologist Barbara Waxman, middlescence describes a vibrant and dynamic life stage marked by significant transitions and reevaluations. Like adolescence, middlescence involves plenty of emotional ups and downs, identity shifts, and an urge to rebel against familiar roles.

Rebel with a Cause

Feeling restless or dissatisfied during this stage can be deeply confusing. You might think, “Why now? I’ve achieved so much; I should feel content.” Many men grapple privately with these thoughts, uncertain if it’s normal or even acceptable to feel this internal pull toward change.

I hear from men the desire to move away and start over, have a wild night out with their buddies or a sexual escapade with an old flame. Then in the next breath feel guilty that they may appear ungrateful for a partner and family the love and appreciate.

More than just nostalgia, these longings are real and deserve to be acknowledged. We can feel trapped in a routine and the roles we play. We seek spaciousness, novelty, to feel desired, and for some carefree lightness and fun.

The Midlife Paradox: Craving Change While Valuing Stability

Sometimes my job is to help men realize that it makes sense to have these feelings and desires. Being a responsible adult can be a lot of work and in midlife this is especially true. Our discipline has brought us career success, wealth and a certain momentum that life can move forward with.

These are all things that aren’t easy to get a temporary reprieve from either. More than just a vacation, there is a desire to genuinely put them down or set them aside and capture the carefree spirit of our earlier years.

I vividly remember my own moment of middlescence — a strong urge to reinvent myself, to relocate somewhere completely new, believing that a blank slate would solve the restlessness I was feeling. Yet, after reflection, I realized that no matter where we go, we bring ourselves along. After reflection, I realized that moving wouldn’t change who I was. The real transformation was internal.

True transformation isn’t about wiping the slate clean; it’s about evolving with intention, integrating our past with a vision for the future. It’s a delicate balance between accepting our life’s pathway and staying open to ongoing growth and change.

Choosing Healthy Rebellion Over Midlife Crisis

Not all midlife rebellions are created equal. Some rebellions may lead to impulsive, damaging decisions — quitting a stable job without a plan, abruptly ending meaningful relationships, or pursuing risky behaviors. While these actions can feel liberating at first, they often leave behind regret and complications.

So while you may feel the urge to do something on the wild and crazy side, it may be worth pausing to see if some of those itches can be scratched without needing to reinvent large portions of your life.

It’s about giving yourself permission to feel your restlessness without immediately reacting to it impulsively. Recognize that feeling restless or dissatisfied isn’t a shortcoming or that you’ve taken the wrong path; it’s a natural signal from within, indicating the need for deeper authenticity and growth.

5 Positive Ways to Navigate Your Midlife Rebellion

1. Permission to Feel: Allow yourself to experience restlessness without immediate judgment or action. Recognizing and accepting these feelings as normal can ease confusion and anxiety.

2. Pause and Reflect: Intentionally set aside moments to explore your feelings and motivations. Ask yourself what specific aspects of your life you feel compelled to change and why. This clarity can guide your choices.

3. Explore Safely: Engage in new interests or experiences gradually and mindfully. Rather than making drastic moves, test the waters with smaller, manageable experiments to discover what genuinely resonates with you.

4. Mini Rebellions: While you may want to escape and start all over again, what about a weekend with just your and your spouse or even on your own? Out of town and with no work phone. Can you build in some adventures that help you feel more alive? A day trip white water rafting or driving a race car on a controlled track let’s you forget everything and feel the excitement of a bit of danger.

5. Open Communication: Share your feelings openly with trusted friends, family, or a professional coach. Honest conversations about your internal struggles can significantly reduce impulsivity and foster clarity.

6. Commit to Personal Development: Channel your rebellious energy into structured opportunities for growth — workshops, courses, reading, or coaching programs — that guide your transformation constructively.

Midlife rebellion isn’t something to fear or suppress. Instead, see it as a powerful catalyst for meaningful self-discovery, growth, and renewal. Embracing this phase with empathy, patience, and thoughtful intention can transform your restlessness into a rewarding, deeply satisfying reinvention.

Take the Next Step

Have you experienced middlescence? How have you navigated your own moments of midlife rebellion? I’d genuinely love to hear your story — share in the comments below.

If you’re looking for personalized support, explore tailored coaching and private advisory services designed specifically to help you navigate this transformative stage with confidence and clarity.

Brendan Abbott blends sharp strategic insight with emotional depth — providing a confidential, judgment-free space to discuss anything. From career pivots to addressing deeper personal truths. He acts as a guide, coach, and confidential advisor.